An Oasis of Understanding
Teresa Hedley
Manotick, Ontario
It used to be ‘the magic three’. A dentist, a doctor and a good hairdresser.
And then autism came calling.
Now, when it’s time to relocate, I seek out one thing before all others: an oasis of understanding.
You see, we are an armed forces family and the one constant in our lives is change. Every three to five years we shed our carefully cultivated routine and we start over. Completely. We pick up, pack up and move on. We change provinces, time zones, climates, towns, neighbourhoods, houses, schools, friends, activities, routines, and down to the nitty gritty, backyards, bedrooms, and bathtubs. In short, we reinvent ourselves.
I used to find this exciting – an opportunity for a completely fresh start. From the wilds of Vancouver Island, to the spires of Europe, to cottage country north of Toronto, on to Halifax, back to Vancouver Island and now nestled in our nation’s capital, we have swept across this continent many times over the past twenty years. As mentioned, with each move, aside from the logistics of getting from A to B, I focussed on the three biggies – the dentist, the doctor and the hairdresser. It may sound trite, but once I could tick this trio off of the list, I could relax. And then came autism.
Our son Erik was diagnosed with high-functioning autism in 2005, shortly after we moved from Halifax to Vancouver Island. So, back then , I was still on the hunt for the big three. Within a month, that was all swept aside as I grappled with the diagnosis and with finding help. I soon realized that I was also seeking understanding, and I knew right away when I had found it. Let me explain.
In B.C. at that time – 2005 – when a child was diagnosed with autism, a process was set in motion. If that child was under six, the family was entitled to $20,000 a year to cover therapy, equipment, books, conferences, education for the parents and so forth. Erik was six, so we were allotted $6,000 a year. We soon discovered that the money would be easy to spend. Erik needed many services. And lo and behold, they were available in the form of social skills groups, occupational therapy, therapeutic horse riding, visits from an OT/neurologist consultant, academic tutoring, craniosacral therapy and much more. We rejoiced in this land of plenty. We were getting what we needed.
But now for the critical part: we had also found our oasis of understanding. It came packaged in the form of a low rise building called The Comox Valley Child Development Centre. Inside, Erik was understood, but more than that, he was accepted and appreciated. When Erik would fiddle with the light switches in the reception area, trying to assess which lever controlled which light (and which bulb needed to be replaced) no one looked on disapprovingly. Rather, Erik’s skill and attention to detail was applauded. He was made to feel good. I could finally exhale. I no longer had to explain my son’s behaviour, his fidgeting, his toe-walking, his monotones and his obsession with switches and ceiling fans and chains and ‘what’s not allowed’ signs. They got him. He was made to feel good about his unique perception and perspective. I felt immediate relief. We both loved going there.
Fast forward to 2008. We got the message I had been dreading: we were posted. Ottawa was on the horizon, and while the destination pleased me, the thought of having to pull up the tentacled arm that was our life and disengage five active bodies exhausted me. Sure, we could find a great neighbourhood, a suitable house, good schools, recreation centres and even the hard to acquire services, but would we ever find this again – a place that truly understood both my son and the needs of his autism weary mother?
Turns out, we did. This time, our oasis of understanding came in the form of Autism Ontario here in Ottawa. Just to backtrack a moment, before leaving Vancouver Island, I contacted two armed forces families we knew who were also living with autism. These families had both lived in Ottawa at one time and so they were able to provide me with names that are now very familiar: Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario, Ottawa Children’s Treatment Centre, Children at Risk, the Ottawa-Carleton District School Board Learning Support Services, and Autism Ontario/Ottawa at 211 Bronson Street. Both moms told me that I might want to visit Autism Ontario first. Good advice.
I still remember walking in the door. I immediately felt it once more, the connection and the understanding. I could exhale again. It felt so good.
I met with a family support person and she carefully reviewed the local autism services guide. We talked, I was offered coffee, and we talked some more. I was never rushed and every question was ‘a good question’. The teacher in me smiled. They got me and I appreciated them. This was going to be a good collaboration.
Fast forward five years. Autism Ontario continues to be my oasis of understanding. Through Autism Ontario, I have met like-minded people, I have learned about programs for my son, workshops for me and opportunities to make a difference in the lives of those living with autism. I now volunteer for the organization as their representative on the Ottawa Public School Board Special Education Advisory Committee. As a committee member, I am given the opportunity to speak for those who find it hard to articulate what they need in order to succeed. My colleagues and I make suggestions in order that our exceptional learners are taught the way they learn best. It’s all a part of that oasis of understanding – the lifeline - that has always been so important to me as a parent.
In addition to sitting on the SEAC for Autism Ontario, I work as a part-time autism parent resource consultant here in Ottawa. When I meet parents, one of my first questions is always, “Have you visited Autism Ontario yet?” In addition to the weekly e-newsletter, parent resource packages, access to support groups, parent counselling and consultations, programs for ASD children, siblings and parents, Autism Ontario is, above all, an oasis of understanding.
Executive Director Margaret Spoelstra articulates all that is good about Autism Ontario in her vision for the organization: “We want all Ontarians to see what we see in each person who has ASD. They have amazing things to offer when we create environments in which they can thrive.”
Autism Ontario Ottawa: an Oasis of Understanding. Oh, and by the way, our doctor, our dentist and our hairdresser are pretty nice, too.
And then autism came calling.
Now, when it’s time to relocate, I seek out one thing before all others: an oasis of understanding.
You see, we are an armed forces family and the one constant in our lives is change. Every three to five years we shed our carefully cultivated routine and we start over. Completely. We pick up, pack up and move on. We change provinces, time zones, climates, towns, neighbourhoods, houses, schools, friends, activities, routines, and down to the nitty gritty, backyards, bedrooms, and bathtubs. In short, we reinvent ourselves.
I used to find this exciting – an opportunity for a completely fresh start. From the wilds of Vancouver Island, to the spires of Europe, to cottage country north of Toronto, on to Halifax, back to Vancouver Island and now nestled in our nation’s capital, we have swept across this continent many times over the past twenty years. As mentioned, with each move, aside from the logistics of getting from A to B, I focussed on the three biggies – the dentist, the doctor and the hairdresser. It may sound trite, but once I could tick this trio off of the list, I could relax. And then came autism.
Our son Erik was diagnosed with high-functioning autism in 2005, shortly after we moved from Halifax to Vancouver Island. So, back then , I was still on the hunt for the big three. Within a month, that was all swept aside as I grappled with the diagnosis and with finding help. I soon realized that I was also seeking understanding, and I knew right away when I had found it. Let me explain.
In B.C. at that time – 2005 – when a child was diagnosed with autism, a process was set in motion. If that child was under six, the family was entitled to $20,000 a year to cover therapy, equipment, books, conferences, education for the parents and so forth. Erik was six, so we were allotted $6,000 a year. We soon discovered that the money would be easy to spend. Erik needed many services. And lo and behold, they were available in the form of social skills groups, occupational therapy, therapeutic horse riding, visits from an OT/neurologist consultant, academic tutoring, craniosacral therapy and much more. We rejoiced in this land of plenty. We were getting what we needed.
But now for the critical part: we had also found our oasis of understanding. It came packaged in the form of a low rise building called The Comox Valley Child Development Centre. Inside, Erik was understood, but more than that, he was accepted and appreciated. When Erik would fiddle with the light switches in the reception area, trying to assess which lever controlled which light (and which bulb needed to be replaced) no one looked on disapprovingly. Rather, Erik’s skill and attention to detail was applauded. He was made to feel good. I could finally exhale. I no longer had to explain my son’s behaviour, his fidgeting, his toe-walking, his monotones and his obsession with switches and ceiling fans and chains and ‘what’s not allowed’ signs. They got him. He was made to feel good about his unique perception and perspective. I felt immediate relief. We both loved going there.
Fast forward to 2008. We got the message I had been dreading: we were posted. Ottawa was on the horizon, and while the destination pleased me, the thought of having to pull up the tentacled arm that was our life and disengage five active bodies exhausted me. Sure, we could find a great neighbourhood, a suitable house, good schools, recreation centres and even the hard to acquire services, but would we ever find this again – a place that truly understood both my son and the needs of his autism weary mother?
Turns out, we did. This time, our oasis of understanding came in the form of Autism Ontario here in Ottawa. Just to backtrack a moment, before leaving Vancouver Island, I contacted two armed forces families we knew who were also living with autism. These families had both lived in Ottawa at one time and so they were able to provide me with names that are now very familiar: Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario, Ottawa Children’s Treatment Centre, Children at Risk, the Ottawa-Carleton District School Board Learning Support Services, and Autism Ontario/Ottawa at 211 Bronson Street. Both moms told me that I might want to visit Autism Ontario first. Good advice.
I still remember walking in the door. I immediately felt it once more, the connection and the understanding. I could exhale again. It felt so good.
I met with a family support person and she carefully reviewed the local autism services guide. We talked, I was offered coffee, and we talked some more. I was never rushed and every question was ‘a good question’. The teacher in me smiled. They got me and I appreciated them. This was going to be a good collaboration.
Fast forward five years. Autism Ontario continues to be my oasis of understanding. Through Autism Ontario, I have met like-minded people, I have learned about programs for my son, workshops for me and opportunities to make a difference in the lives of those living with autism. I now volunteer for the organization as their representative on the Ottawa Public School Board Special Education Advisory Committee. As a committee member, I am given the opportunity to speak for those who find it hard to articulate what they need in order to succeed. My colleagues and I make suggestions in order that our exceptional learners are taught the way they learn best. It’s all a part of that oasis of understanding – the lifeline - that has always been so important to me as a parent.
In addition to sitting on the SEAC for Autism Ontario, I work as a part-time autism parent resource consultant here in Ottawa. When I meet parents, one of my first questions is always, “Have you visited Autism Ontario yet?” In addition to the weekly e-newsletter, parent resource packages, access to support groups, parent counselling and consultations, programs for ASD children, siblings and parents, Autism Ontario is, above all, an oasis of understanding.
Executive Director Margaret Spoelstra articulates all that is good about Autism Ontario in her vision for the organization: “We want all Ontarians to see what we see in each person who has ASD. They have amazing things to offer when we create environments in which they can thrive.”
Autism Ontario Ottawa: an Oasis of Understanding. Oh, and by the way, our doctor, our dentist and our hairdresser are pretty nice, too.
