Do unto others...
by Penny Gill
Dundas, Ontario
As I look back over my life, it falls into various chapters, some marked by where I was living, others by what I was studying or where I was employed, still others by what car I was driving or friends I spent time with. Everyone has such periods in their lives. One of mine is the Autism Ontario period.
After horrendous struggles in one city to arrange an appropriate education for my very young son, my family moved to another setting with a school system following a special education philosophy akin to my own. After so much turmoil in our lives, it felt like we had landed softly, that some normalcy had returned to our lives. It was tempting, and possible, to return to activities and pleasures that predated our protracted conflict with educators.
However, memories of confronting a monolithic school system (hopelessly out of step with how best to develop skills in those with autism) were not easily cast aside. Recollections of entire months staving off educators who wanted systems to continue as they had been for too long, weeks of continuous knots in my stomach, of little time to eat properly between a flurry of meetings at school boards, of having to keep records of events as they unfolded, and of seeking help within and outside of the school system, all reminded me that even though I had now found peace again, it was time to lend a hand to those who had none. I joined the local chapter of Autism Ontario and made myself available to families who were dealing with inhospitable school systems. Believe me, there were many.
Some families would succeed in smoothing out their troubles at school after we had spoken on the telephone a couple of times. Others seemed to face a relentless series of setbacks of one sort or another – serial suspensions, educational neglect leading to regression, hostile teachers, and on and on. These families and I would talk over and over again, through one explosion after another in their child’s life at school. Sometimes we were able to resolve things; other times not.
When there were setbacks in my own son’s education from time to time, these were the families I reached out to and who gave me the most comfort. Fighting against an intransigent system alone can be devastating. Being aligned with others who have fought the same battles is reassuring.
At one point during his teens my son’s school became counter-productive to the point where I felt I had to withdraw him from classes until we could rectify the situation. (Even progressive educational systems have some teachers who fall far below acceptable levels of professionalism.)
Those old knots in the stomach returned, along with the sense of unending, thankless tasks to perform in an effort to repair what had gone so wrong. It was so upsetting that I needed to talk to other parents who had undergone the same ugly experience in which I suddenly found myself immersed. I remember calling a parent I had come to know well to describe the situation confronting me and to ask her for advice.
“But, Penny, you've always told me how to handle these situations. I don’t know anything more than what you've taught me.”
“But, I’m so upset,” I replied, “I can’t think straight. I need to be told what I have to do, and what I shouldn't do, what I have to say and what I can’t say.”
“Well… okay… I think you need to … ... …”
She advised me how to proceed, what to say and how to say it. As she repeated words I had uttered so often, not just to her, but to many others, they steadied me. I started getting my bearings back. I remembered how to think straight.
Working cooperatively with sympathetic educators in the school board, my son’s educational difficulties were resolved. He was able to return to a more productive school setting and to be happy there once again.
When I think of Autism Ontario it is this turn of events I often recall – of having helped others who in turn retrieved the situation for my son and me when we found ourselves at the bottom of a very steep and rocky mountain that had to be surmounted.
After horrendous struggles in one city to arrange an appropriate education for my very young son, my family moved to another setting with a school system following a special education philosophy akin to my own. After so much turmoil in our lives, it felt like we had landed softly, that some normalcy had returned to our lives. It was tempting, and possible, to return to activities and pleasures that predated our protracted conflict with educators.
However, memories of confronting a monolithic school system (hopelessly out of step with how best to develop skills in those with autism) were not easily cast aside. Recollections of entire months staving off educators who wanted systems to continue as they had been for too long, weeks of continuous knots in my stomach, of little time to eat properly between a flurry of meetings at school boards, of having to keep records of events as they unfolded, and of seeking help within and outside of the school system, all reminded me that even though I had now found peace again, it was time to lend a hand to those who had none. I joined the local chapter of Autism Ontario and made myself available to families who were dealing with inhospitable school systems. Believe me, there were many.
Some families would succeed in smoothing out their troubles at school after we had spoken on the telephone a couple of times. Others seemed to face a relentless series of setbacks of one sort or another – serial suspensions, educational neglect leading to regression, hostile teachers, and on and on. These families and I would talk over and over again, through one explosion after another in their child’s life at school. Sometimes we were able to resolve things; other times not.
When there were setbacks in my own son’s education from time to time, these were the families I reached out to and who gave me the most comfort. Fighting against an intransigent system alone can be devastating. Being aligned with others who have fought the same battles is reassuring.
At one point during his teens my son’s school became counter-productive to the point where I felt I had to withdraw him from classes until we could rectify the situation. (Even progressive educational systems have some teachers who fall far below acceptable levels of professionalism.)
Those old knots in the stomach returned, along with the sense of unending, thankless tasks to perform in an effort to repair what had gone so wrong. It was so upsetting that I needed to talk to other parents who had undergone the same ugly experience in which I suddenly found myself immersed. I remember calling a parent I had come to know well to describe the situation confronting me and to ask her for advice.
“But, Penny, you've always told me how to handle these situations. I don’t know anything more than what you've taught me.”
“But, I’m so upset,” I replied, “I can’t think straight. I need to be told what I have to do, and what I shouldn't do, what I have to say and what I can’t say.”
“Well… okay… I think you need to … ... …”
She advised me how to proceed, what to say and how to say it. As she repeated words I had uttered so often, not just to her, but to many others, they steadied me. I started getting my bearings back. I remembered how to think straight.
Working cooperatively with sympathetic educators in the school board, my son’s educational difficulties were resolved. He was able to return to a more productive school setting and to be happy there once again.
When I think of Autism Ontario it is this turn of events I often recall – of having helped others who in turn retrieved the situation for my son and me when we found ourselves at the bottom of a very steep and rocky mountain that had to be surmounted.
